Brushing up

In the Sunday papers this week it was revealed that a "Smile With The Prophet" initiative being run by the NHS in Bradford.

According to the local primary care trust, and I quote 'Using a specially developed syllabus, mosque leaders and teachers help to spread the word about oral health, encouraging youngsters to brush their teeth daily through the teachings of the Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) and Islam.'

Is there an equal programme tailored to the individual oral hygiene challenges faced by Anglicans, Catholics, Hindus, Sikhs or Seventh Day Adventists?

Admittedly, it's a long time since I was thrown out of Sunday school for smoking behind the church hall. But I don't remember the vicar ever dispensing advice on gum disease in his sermons.

There was plenty about the wailing and gnashing of teeth but, to the best of my knowledge, nothing on flossing.

Still, anything which keeps children out of the dentist's chair has to be welcome, though I can't see how the oral hygiene needs of Muslim children are any different from those of any other faith.

Mind you, it can't be easy brushing your teeth in a burqa.

THE ENGINEER'S PHRASEBOOK

Like most people I get a lot of Email. And just like most people a lot of it is crap, however now and then I get something worth reading. As an engineer I write a lot of reports to my superiors, managers, finance directors etc.

So when I got an Email listing what engineers say compared to what they mean, I fount it a bit on the funny side; thought I’d share.


THE ENGINEER'S PHRASEBOOK

· MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - Back to the drawing board.

· DEVELOPED AFTER YEARS OF INTENSIVE RESEARCH - It was discovered by accident.

· PROJECT SLIGHTLY BEHIND ORIGINAL SCHEDULE DUE TO UNFORSEEN DIFFICULTIES - We are working on something else.

· THE DESIGNS ARE WELL WITHIN ALLOWABLE LIMITS - We just made it, stretching a point or two.

· CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS BELIEVED ASSURED - We are so far behind schedule that the customer was happy to get anything at all from us.

· CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We should have asked someone else; or, let's spread the responsibility for this.

· THE DESIGN WILL BE FINALIZED IN THE NEXT REPORTING PERIOD - We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something.

· A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We don't know where we're going, but we're moving.

· EXTENSIVE EFFORT IS BEING APPLIED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM - We just hired three new guys; we'll let them kick it around for a while.

· PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS ARE INCONCLUSIVE - The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

· THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only guy who understood the thing quit.

· MODIFICATIONS ARE UNDERWAY TO CORRECT CERTAIN MINOR DIFFICULTIES - We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch.

· TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING - It works, and boy; no ones more surprised than us!

The greater good?

The man stabbed to death outside McDonald's in London's Oxford Street was on bail awaiting trial for gang rape.

Steven Bigby was one of ten men accused of raping a girl and pouring caustic soda over her to destroy evidence.

He was also due to go on trial next month accused of wounding and violent disorder.

You might well ask what on earth he was doing out on bail in the first place.

Still, no great loss. Sounds like whoever killed him did us all a favour.

Global warming scam is still on

In all the acres of coverage of 'climate change', here's something you won't have read.

Last week, Dr Arthur Robinson, of the University of Oregon, announced to a packed Washington Press Conference that 31,000 scientists had signed an online petition challenging the conventional wisdom that man-made C02 emissions were causing 'global warming'.

He said he was aware that critics would claim this list was phoney, but said signatories had been carefully vetted and at least 9,000 had PhDs.

This went largely unreported on either side of the Atlantic. Any dissent from the great global warming scam, however valid, is dismissed as heresy.

Currently, an eight-day 'climate change' festival is taking place in of all places, Birmingham.

Having been to Birminham a few times I've had the chance to get to know a few locals quite well. If you asked them how the climate has changed in the last thirty years, they will more than likely tell you that they haven't noticed much change.

It as damp and as rain soaked as ever.

However if anything, the air's cleaner than ever since most of the heavy, metal-bashing industries closed down; and the fumes from the old Ansell's Brewery and HP Sauce factory no longer hang heavy in the wind.

Still, why let the facts ruin the party?
Let's hope it stays dry for them.

Here we go again.....

They never give up, do they? The Government is spending £6million on a campaign telling the middle-classes they drink too much.

Never mind that the real problem is under-age and binge drinkers, and girls who get so sozzled every Saturday night they end up lying in the gutter with their knickers round their ankles.

Some of us have long since suspected that having banned smoking, the purse-lipped puritans would turn their attentions to drinking next.

One advert has someone ordering a 'pint of three units'. A bottle of wine is relabelled 'a chilled bottle of ten units'.

'We're not saying don't drink,' said health minister Dawn Primarolo.

Well thats good of you sweetheart. She continues 'We're saying here's the information in a non-judgmental, directly identifiable environment.'

Give me strength. Just how stupid does Patronising Primarolo think we are?

"Large VAT, please. Better make it four units."