Small Children

A recent survay has discovered that these are the top ten questions asked by small children - while your on the phone.

1. Will you play with me?
2. Who is God?
3. Can God see everything?
4. What does "sex" mean?
5. Why Konnie Huq?
6. Where do babies come from?
7. Am I adopted?
8. Are you sure you won't play with me?
9. Why did Grandma have to die?
10.Where did Grandma go after she died?

For any parents out there, I thought it would only be fair to provide some answers. While not approved by any parenting experts you will find they are effective.

1. Will you play with me?
No, get your DS thingy out

2. Who is God?
Me

3. Can God see everything?
I thought not, but the other evening I drove at 35 in a 30mph zone and he said to me "Oi, I'm watching you"

4. What does "sex" mean?
Your going to bed early

5. Why Konnie Huq?
Because I wouldn't kick her out of bed for farting

6. Where do babies come from?
Marks and Spencers, though you have to rummage for a good one

7. Am I adopted?
I wish

8. Are you sure you won't play with me?
Do you want me to throw that DS thingy in the bin?

9. Why did Grandma have to die?
The silly old cow kept asking me stupid questions while I was on the phone

10.Where did Grandma go after she died?
Under the patio, but that's our little secret, OK?